


i'd follow

by ScottieIsImpatient



Series: if you left me behind [2]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Angst, Angst with no happy ending, Dark, Depression, Hurt No Comfort, Suicide, i basically projected onto the poor guy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26092531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScottieIsImpatient/pseuds/ScottieIsImpatient
Summary: Sequel to "if you left me behind"Malcolm isn't coping well following Trip's death.
Series: if you left me behind [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894453
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	i'd follow

**Author's Note:**

> So I kinda sorta maybe got REALLY dark one night and projected my thoughts and feelings onto Malcolm and BAM suddenly i had a sequel to that godforsaken death fic (killing Trip killed me, just an FYI lmao).
> 
> Uhh. Idk what to say. It gets dark? Things happen? Please don't read if you think this may upset or trigger you, and I want all of you to know that you are loved by me. Your life is precious <3

Red. It was all he could see.

Ex-Lieutenant Reed leaned against the railings and let the sun glare at him over the horizon. A beautiful sunset it was, as his sister would say, but he had no eye for beauty; no eye for the wondrous oranges and purples and yellows that danced in the evening skies. He had long since lost touch with the world and perhaps even reality itself. Sinking into a vast and lonely grey void, his body had become accustomed to the numbness. Very little made him feel anything anymore.

He was sure it would make him grow mad.

Or perhaps he already was.

Reed slumped against the railings, his legs suddenly too weak. He hadn’t eaten in days. The old ratty away team jacket from his time in Starfleet hung loosely over his thin frame, the sleeves too wide and long and the hood hung low over his face, shadowing his pale features.

Once he took pride in his appearance. Now he found he didn’t much care.

He glanced up. Red, the only colour he could still see, stained the backdrop of the fluffy white clouds.

Red hands. Red blood.

Red sky.

He hadn’t cared about a single thing since that day.

A sob rose and caught in his throat and Reed hunched forward so he was staring at the water beneath him. Tears ran down his cheeks before dropping down, making as insignificant a mark on the raging river below as Reed’s attempt to save his Commander. His friend.

Useless. Bloody useless, that’s what he’d been.

Reed looked at his hands, shadowed with a red tint in the evening light. He could still remember the weight in his arms as he carried Tucker back to the shuttlepod. He remembered sitting on a biobed in silence for hours on end, blood not his own drying to his skin. He remembered voices speaking softly and perhaps a hand running through his hair, but the world had already turned grey by then and he’d felt so very alone.

Red blood. Red sky. Grey world.

A shuttle made a low pass over the bridge and Reed ducked instinctively. Memories flashed through his mind, memories of red cuts and rough ground, of shouting voices and flashing lights. He’d been careless back then. Absentmindedly, he felt his left hand clasp around his right wrist, the empty spot where the medical bracelet once was.

The sky grew darker and darker. He did not have much time left.

With shaking legs barely strong enough to hold his weight, Reed brought one leg over the railing, followed by the other. A soft wind blew, pushing him forward. Urging him on.

 _You’ll be alright,_ his own voice from two years prior echoed in his mind. He gave a choked scoff. He’d known even back then that he’d never be “alright”. Not when a part of him was gone, leaving him eternally broken beyond repair.

The waves rolled and tossed in the canal. Reed used to think drowning was his greatest fear.

Now he knew it didn’t even come close.

First, he felt the cool metal of the railings break away from his rough and calloused hands, followed closely by the slight push his feet gave when he stepped away from the concrete. In one swift movement, his hood came sliding off and the rest of his jacket billowed in the wind like wings behind him. He was flying, soaring, like a bird in the sky.

Freedom. That’s what he was experiencing.

And then began the descent.

It wasn’t nearly as bad as he anticipated. As the world flew by so did the greyness of it all and he began to see the glowing purples and oranges of the sunset; the red and white brick houses that dotted the shore; the sparkling aqua of the water quickly rushing up to meet him.

He felt very little as he hit the water, yet he saw and heard so much more.

He saw a life made especially for him when he thought he would be forever caught in the clutches of family tradition. He saw a pineapple cake and a group of happy faces. He saw a crew that had become so much more than mere colleagues.

He heard laughter. He heard jokes. He heard arguments and he heard apologies.

He heard a honey-like voice calling his name. He felt a hand gently slipping into his own.

And then nothing.


End file.
